Romir Swar Week 3: While I Can
What would you do at this current moment if both your parents got into a car crash? How would you feel? Would you even feel anything?
Well for one thing, that APLang grade would suddenly seem meaningless. Nor would the tsunami of text messages flooding your phone—drowning you in “Do you need anything?” or “How can I help?” messages—bring you any warmth, as each notification adds an icicle to the wet, cold blanket of your current situation. And all that would melt the cold—enabling you to feel warmth—is seeing your parents one more time.
Quite the loaded intro, I know.
Now thankfully, I haven’t had to experience this traumatic event, but that does not change how often I think of it (probably a bit more than I should)—an uncommon, but still possible occurrence.
But instead of sitting in fear, I flip it. It reminds me that time isn’t promised, and that no day, no hour, no minute, no experience should be taken for granted. And so, it has helped shape me into living my life with no regrets, as it reminds me to tell people how I feel while I still have the chance to.
Growing up, my mom always used to drop me off at school(go Wizards!); there were hundreds of car ride conversations—filled with laughter, teaching, and sometimes even crying—and one that I vividly remember falls into the middle category: teaching. She very clearly expressed, “Always say what you want to say, but there is a certain way to say it.”
Silence punctuated this statement, as I sat there thinking. And when I tell you this has never left me, boy oh boy, it is tattooed to my heart! But I guess more importantly— my voice box. In today's world, society is too quiet to share their opinion; this can mean something as simple as answering questions a teacher asks, or even sharing thoughts one has on someone else. And notice how your mind automatically looks at this through a dimmed light, like the opinion on the person has to be a negative thought. Humans are too fast with this approach. I feel like we should work towards the opposite, but more on that soon.
Now, you may be, and tbh, I hope you are, wondering why I started this blog off with such a cruel image/thought.
Because I feel like almost all kind thoughts and feelings should be expressed. If I’ve learnt anything in terms of regret, the words said, or action done, will never hurt as much as the regret of silence, or actions not done. I DESPISE when people reflect on past personal experiences sharing that they “should’ve, could’ve, or would’ve” because at the end of the day, they “didn’t.”
Regret is one of the worst feelings ever. And so I started this blog the way I did because I know, no matter what happens in this twisted rollercoaster we call life, a regret I am not going to have is not telling a loved one that I love them.
Regret is a powerfully destructive feeling; it’s one that you carry for the rest of your life. I can’t even begin to count how many life experiences I regret having, how many decisions I regret making, how many things I regret saying—yet your point that letting regret consume you is pointless rings painfully true. A friend of mine, like your mother, once taught me something that will stick with me for the rest of my life: she always does what she thinks she should do, no matter what may happen. She told me herself that she “would rather deal with the consequences [of her actions] than wonder what could have happened for the rest of [her] life,” and it’s strikingly similar to what you express in your post: there is no point in bearing regret later on. Letting go of regret, and acting irrespective of its nagging voice, is an invaluable thing. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story.
ReplyDeleteRomir, this blog post served as such a reminder for me to be present and intentional about every relationship I have in my life. As morbid as it is, your intro does such a good job emphasizing the exact feeling you are trying to describe; to be completely honest, I think I also think about events like that more than I should. My parents tell me about regret and living in the present all the time but I don’t think it truly clicked until this year. I need to remember that however grateful I am to have someone in my life, it means nothing unless it is communicated. Thanks for giving us all a reason to stop and think about this for a second.
ReplyDeleteThe strong, straightforward question about an event that would change one's entire life was really attention catching and it also really shocked me, since its not the typical writing style one would expect. Also, the choice of placing that question in a one sentence paragraph really gave me time to think about it, to process how it would feel, and kind of elevated the reading experience for me.
ReplyDeleteThe addition of how even the grades many of us endlessly obsess and stress over would become meaningless and unimportant in that case really brings into perspective about what is truly important. It reminded me of how everything else seems to fade away when groundbrealing news comes.
Your focus on doing everything you can to ensure you don't have to look back and regret your actions is quite admirable also! Also, the contrast from your previous blog posts and this one is also pretty striking, since most of your posts so far have been more cheerful.