Lara Reyes-Terry, Week #4: Come Out of That Dark Water

 

Come Out of that dark water


The drawing above was made in the throes of gender dysphoria when I was convinced that I would never look into a mirror and see myself. I find it funny that it was sort of realized now.

Narcissus reborn, the bathroom is the new river-pool

To skinny dip in.

She looked over the river’s edge and saw 

The careful form of a wonderful stranger

And

Realized in the warmth of the light 


He longs to come out

of that dark water.


Reaching out from depth and drowning

Artist kisses the hand of the muse in the river.

Eyes tracing color and body arch

Searching for what makes the masculine, 

Eyes dark as the earth flowering open

Golden core. 


He longs to come out

of that dark water.


His skin is soft roasted, cocoa powder 

Orange undertone

Bending into green with the light-angle like the serpent

Beckoning Eve.

The fruit is the apple is the knowledge,

It is the freedom and the first sin

Was discovery upon podium of open lips:

Speak your truth sweetie, like God said

“Let there be light”

What will you create in his absence? 


He longs to come out

of that dark water.


The truth pirouettes and slithers out the corners of mouth,

Words sucked into ceiling vent,

Will anyone really know when the smoke

Never comes out 

easily.

Carried by wind, it prefers a truthy breath

Not choked on heavy by bows and belt and

Back bent back into straightness because

Even God existed in darkness first.

You learned that sweetheart.

Take a bite—be guilty,

Let that reflection be the fortune you

Dare to dream about


Coming out.


Dare to dream about no

Misinterpretation.  

No “pinocchio” metaphors to

Closet into.


Come out. 


Bear the wrong body,

Power’s teeth in your shoulders mumbling about how 

You’re the threat. 

Crawl because you’re too afraid to stand 

And the voice in your head is screaming

For you to get up and be the man you know you are

You didn’t need a birth certificate to prove that you are

Desperate,

A crime in fourteen countries,

Scabbing your knees from kneeling,

Begging to be believed without 

Simplifying what you are to one word: 

“t _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ r.”


Come out

of that dark water.


The choice was hers to make,

So she pulled him forth.


I hated 

that dark water. 


The mirror ripples: 

Baggy sweats both halves handed down from my brother,

Suit and tie without the corporate crime,

Loose jeans and cowboy boots a guy told me were real.


So I wear them because I like it better

And I’m as real as the leather. 

I emerged wet and gasping.

From ink and paper.

I am not the reflection of a strange woman. 

I look over the river’s edge and see no one else

But me.


Comments

  1. I love how between the both of us as poets, we tend to rely heavily on imagery and metaphor. There are so many impactful statements in this poem; one that especially stood out to me was “a crime in fourteen countries,” which made me think of just how suppressive the world can be towards the expression of human identity. It’s ironic—human society is, obviously, built and sustained by human activity, so you would imagine that it would be centered around honoring human nature. Yet, our own species forces us to conform, pressuring us to fit in rather than to let the world fit us. Existence in all of its forms becomes resistance, and it can take a heavy toll on people who actively contradict societal pressure simply by being themselves. You captured that feeling of having to climb mountains just to exist normally every day so beautifully, succinctly, and probably accurately, too. As someone who is cisgender, I can’t imagine the struggles you’ve gone through just to be who you are, and I’m grateful that you (along with the speaker of your poem) are still able to vibrantly be yourself as much as you can.

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  2. I loved how you compared your experience to the Greek mythology of Narcissus and tied elements of the myth throughout your poem. It created a poem full of rich imagery and multiple layers. I found myself rereading your poem again and again as each time I found a new and more complex level to your poem. I also loved how the italicized sections of the poem kept a consistent topic of the water yet changed in meaning as your understanding and view of your own Identity shifted.

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  3. The shifting of pronouns to refer to the subject throughout the poem is a really nice touch to indicate the subject you are talking about. The references to the myht of Narcissus and the pond used as a reflection adds a layer of complexity to the metaphor that is very interesting, and I really like the subtle references throughout the poem! Also the choice of using a poem makes reading a really smooth experience and gives it a nice flow!

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